Satan is under my feet...

Hello my pretties...

I've most def. been going 90mph, all day, everyday since my last few blogs...

Lets see here...time before my last, my post "Behind The Scenes" was me explaining how God had answered all of my cry outs to the question.... "Why Me??"

soOO Dustin and I were still dating when that blog was posted, and I had just got my NEW job in Lubbock, 

Okkkk sooo, a lot has happened since that blog...

Dustin and I are no longer dating, & I don't have to be hateful, I can just say bless his heart... & I say that with all the kindness in my heart. for real for real. I wish nothing but the best for him, I pray for that guy all the time. ;) 

*moving along*

Coming out of that relationship, I'm just going to be completely honest... I felt totally worthless. Like I didn't even know why I was alive. I was the most confused individual...or at least that is how I felt. I felt soooo beat up, emotionally, physically, annnd spiritually. just all around, and NO ONE is to blame for that BUT myself. I allowed Malorie to be put down with hateful words (dumb), I allowed Malorie to be belittled by another (dumb), I let what others would think get the best of me (REAL dumb).... HOLD UP! Doesn't sound like me does it?? hahahaha (this seriously makes me laugh because I literally had to go back in my blogs and read 

and.we.WILL.live.happily.ever.after.

after reading it... I even questioned "where is the Malorie who blogged that??" FOR REAL???

However... I'm glad to say that my blog helped me, myself, I..... MALORIE snap out of it and remember that I AM FAR MORE PRECIOUS THAN JEWELS AND MY VALUE IS FAR ABOVE RUBIES OR PEARLS (PROVERBS 31:10) and that my heavenly father love me and will NEVER leave me. 

He reminds me daily that I am beautiful....his voice is truly my healing.

So like I was saying....I felt worthless beyond measures. It was the sickest feeling ever (and I don't mean "sickest" in a good way) When my relationship with WhoHA was over, and I walked away from it with my head held high, and peace in my heart and strength washed over me there was NO doubt that the Lord heard my late night, face in the floor, crying out prayers to him... (LORD, HELP ME!) (LORD, I'M YOURS...ALL YOURS) (TAKE MY LIFE...USE ME!) (PURIFY MY HEART!) (MOLD ME, into something greater!.....MAKE ME MORE LIKE YOU, BREAK MY HEART FATHER, FOR WHAT BREAKS YOURS) (WASH AWAY MY SINS, LORD FORGIVE ME FOR ALL THE TIMES I FAILED YOU. LORD, PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR NOT LIVING ACCORDING TO YOUR WORD, FOR TURNING MY CHEEK EVERY TIME YOU GAVE ME SIGN, AFTER SIGN, AFTER SIGN....).....those are just few of my pleads made.

Thank you Lord for loving me, Thank you Lord for another chance!

The weekend following my "break-up", I went to Dalhart, Tx. I seriously had the BEST weekend I had had in a really long time! I got to take Bonnie Kayte to the pumpkin patch, we spent the weekend with such an amazing family & we attended an awesome church. People's Church that is. ;) 

- toward the end of the service that first Sunday morning I attended church there... the pastor announced that there was still spots available for the Women's Retreat that following weekend in Amarillo... I didn't ask questions, or even think twice at that.... I signed up. It was about time I surrounded myself and my life with good people, good women, & good fellowship. So I signed up... Not knowing if anyone I knew would even be attending this Women's Retreat...and honestly, not really caring if I knew anyone who would be attending this Women's retreat, the Lord told me to GO! & I did just that! I went!

Turns out I knew one person who was going, Adam (a great friend of mine from Dalhart, that I met at church camp in 2007) his sister, Adrianna was going! That made me even more excited for the up coming weekend to arrive! I didn't room with her thou, I roomed with a sweet girl name Hannah Lucero, (chuckling) the Lord is sooo good! Turns out, we are really close in age, we both love to write/blog, we both love music, and we both love photography. Who KNEW!!?? God knew. ;) We stayed up pretty late, we shared lots of stories, and just got to know a little about one another. I had a good time. She blessed me. 

The retreat blessed me... I again, during one of the services cried out for the Lord to change me. Take my life. Mold me. Use me. Break my heart for what breaks yours Lord, Make ME more like YOU oh Lord!

I blog this tonight to let you know that I am no longer a drifter on a dead end road, feeling worthless....I my friends, proclaim that the Lord has changed me, he holds my life in his hands, daily I feel the Lord molding me into the person I am suppose to be...the worldly person I had become is no more. ;) The Lord is making me more like him and I have YET to have known a better feeling than this!

My prayer daily is for the Lord to use me to make a difference in someones life...or even to make a difference in someones day. I pray that I am the change that I want to see in the world. Lord let your light shine throu me and my life. amen.

He is my father and like I mentioned earlier, He reminds me daily that I am his, and that he loves me...even on my weakest days, and that I DO have worth, and that I AM going places in my life, and most importantly...I am forgiven and forever loved. 

He is the HOPE that fills my soul. He is all I'm after.
Who needs a boyfriend when you got Jesus. ;) #WORD!

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love always, malorie lucille.