Behind The Scenes

Whoa. I haven't blogged in a really long time. 

Since May 5th. Shut up.

I'm terribly sorry.

So to all my new readers. I have always been pretty scatter brained, & when people read my blogs I hope they feel that they are literally listening to me explain what ever it is I am trying to get across, face to face.

Some people may think my blogs are too personal, if that's you (there is a X located in the upper right corner of your screen, click it. okkk byee!) 

I'm a personal blogger, heller it's MY blog. 

I blog just like I talk. ;)

***Moving along.***

OK so I'm just going to completely honest... all last week, I had the suckiest (not a word.) attitude EVER. I guess I was umm "bitter". I just "didn't care", I shrugged things off that I usually wouldn't, In other words, there was a negative funk that had taken over. The devil TOTALLY stole my thunder. Rude.

Anyhow, while throwing this pitiful pitty party for myself, you know the feelings of "nobody loves me, everybody hates me" (ridiculous!) "why is everything so screwed up".... WHICH by the way totally drained me completely & I plan to NEVER let it happen again (right hand raised) so help me God!

.....throu out this time, I never once took a step back from all the chaos and thought about the more important things. The above all, things that really matter, and that my friends is all the blessings behind all the ugly that was going on at the time. 

("in the middle of my little mess. i forget how BIG im blessed"

I know, I know. It seems almost impossible to think at a time of sadness, hurt, heartache, anger etc. we can actually say things like "HAHAHA, this blow out is such a blessing!!" OR "Wow! I lost my job today and have no money BUT this is just the BEST thing that has happen to me all week!!" 

silly right!! Who does that?? (put your hand down!) NOBODY!

HOWEVER, In all reality... we should always look at the good in things 

& not throw PPP's (pitiful pitty partites) 

for ourselves like homegirl did.

I don't really know what good you could look to as far as having a blow out, it was literally just an example BUT it happens, and maybe it happen so you missed the head on collision up the road, you never know...and at a time of losing something (a job, a loved one, a puppy, etc.) we all lack at looking for the blessings to come. 

Example: someone stole your puppy...don't go steal someone else's. Go adopt one. ;)

#Kidding #ButSerious at the same time.

A lot of you don't know ANY of what your about to read

BUT

you are my readers and you know that I share my crazy thoughts, 

my life, and just whatever my little big heart wants you to know on this here blog!

This past May I found out that I was pregnant. In June I had a miscarriage. In July Dustin and I were planning a wedding, late July we decided it wasn't so much a good idea after all. (there were/are certain things that needed to be worked on. So ya that was a no go.) Beginning of August I lost my job. 

I think its SAFE to say... this is why I threw a PPP. just sayin.

I mean here I was excited for this new baby that I'd be bringing into this world and at our 1st appointment...no heart beat! What??!!!! 

"God, Why me??" was the question I asked over and over and over and over.....

Then I was planning for the BIG day. My BIG day. The day I'd share with my best friend, the person that I love so much and can't go a day without reminding him how much he means to me and how I am so lucky to have him in my life. and to top all that good stuff off. I found the MOST beautiful dress. Yup. I sure did. Every girls dream. Yup. and over night.... it was all gone. literally.

"God! Why me??"

Then I lose my job.... at this point I was like OK! You have GOT to be kidding me!!

"God, Whyyyy meee!!!"

The BEST part of all this ugliness in my life was that every time I asked him WHY ME??

I was answered! #Fact.

"Why did I have a miscarriage....?" - I have bigger plans for you and Dustin... Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean NOT on your own understanding"

"Why is this day that I long for just all of a sudden canceled...why?? why me?"- Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to PROSPER you and NOT harm you, plans to GIVE you HOPE and a FUTURE"

"Why did I lose my job"- "Umm because Dr. Brad Brooks needs a dental assistant and he wants YOU!" haha is pretty much what I heard from him. Clearly! I lost my job on a FRIDAY, that following MONDAY I sent out my resume to 3 different places, TUESDAY morning I got a call from Dr. Brad Brooks office asking me to come in to take a personality test/ do a sit down interview, THURSDAY I got a call stating that I start that following MONDAY. GOD is GOOD, all the TIME! and ALL the time, GOD is GOOD!! amen. ;)

All this being said I bet over half of you had NO idea any of this had gone on & that is a good thing. I have always been told that I was "strong" and that I could overcome anything. It's true, but I'm strong just because...I have a higher power that helps me throu and I WILL overcome because I know my God will NEVER leave nor forsake me & for that I am SOOOOO thankful. 

I felt as if I was living in the gawd awful dream that I couldn't wake up from, I couldn't catch a break, it was literally one thing after another, after another BUT no matter how much I tried to cover up my hurt/confusion, no matter how many times I shrugged my shoulders like "i don't care", I couldn't hide it from God. He knew exactly what I was going throu, he heard every time I cried out in anger and not once did he leave my side. He only brought me comfort and peace and understanding. It was the most amazing thing ever. If you are going throu a hard time right now, or just anything at all. God already knows, he just wants you to call out to him. He longs for you to need and want him in your life! ;)

*BE BLESSED. BE LOVED*

Fun Fact about me: 

I can almost NEVER finish blow drying my hair... I can't think of anything more boring!

 -malorie lucille ;)

peace. love. cinnamon rolls!

Totally had the song below on repeat for almost two weeks. Enjoy. ;)

Listen to--> "Strong Enough" by Matthew West