Satan is under my feet...

Hello my pretties...

I've most def. been going 90mph, all day, everyday since my last few blogs...

Lets see here...time before my last, my post "Behind The Scenes" was me explaining how God had answered all of my cry outs to the question.... "Why Me??"

soOO Dustin and I were still dating when that blog was posted, and I had just got my NEW job in Lubbock, 

Okkkk sooo, a lot has happened since that blog...

Dustin and I are no longer dating, & I don't have to be hateful, I can just say bless his heart... & I say that with all the kindness in my heart. for real for real. I wish nothing but the best for him, I pray for that guy all the time. ;) 

*moving along*

Coming out of that relationship, I'm just going to be completely honest... I felt totally worthless. Like I didn't even know why I was alive. I was the most confused individual...or at least that is how I felt. I felt soooo beat up, emotionally, physically, annnd spiritually. just all around, and NO ONE is to blame for that BUT myself. I allowed Malorie to be put down with hateful words (dumb), I allowed Malorie to be belittled by another (dumb), I let what others would think get the best of me (REAL dumb).... HOLD UP! Doesn't sound like me does it?? hahahaha (this seriously makes me laugh because I literally had to go back in my blogs and read 

and.we.WILL.live.happily.ever.after.

after reading it... I even questioned "where is the Malorie who blogged that??" FOR REAL???

However... I'm glad to say that my blog helped me, myself, I..... MALORIE snap out of it and remember that I AM FAR MORE PRECIOUS THAN JEWELS AND MY VALUE IS FAR ABOVE RUBIES OR PEARLS (PROVERBS 31:10) and that my heavenly father love me and will NEVER leave me. 

He reminds me daily that I am beautiful....his voice is truly my healing.

So like I was saying....I felt worthless beyond measures. It was the sickest feeling ever (and I don't mean "sickest" in a good way) When my relationship with WhoHA was over, and I walked away from it with my head held high, and peace in my heart and strength washed over me there was NO doubt that the Lord heard my late night, face in the floor, crying out prayers to him... (LORD, HELP ME!) (LORD, I'M YOURS...ALL YOURS) (TAKE MY LIFE...USE ME!) (PURIFY MY HEART!) (MOLD ME, into something greater!.....MAKE ME MORE LIKE YOU, BREAK MY HEART FATHER, FOR WHAT BREAKS YOURS) (WASH AWAY MY SINS, LORD FORGIVE ME FOR ALL THE TIMES I FAILED YOU. LORD, PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR NOT LIVING ACCORDING TO YOUR WORD, FOR TURNING MY CHEEK EVERY TIME YOU GAVE ME SIGN, AFTER SIGN, AFTER SIGN....).....those are just few of my pleads made.

Thank you Lord for loving me, Thank you Lord for another chance!

The weekend following my "break-up", I went to Dalhart, Tx. I seriously had the BEST weekend I had had in a really long time! I got to take Bonnie Kayte to the pumpkin patch, we spent the weekend with such an amazing family & we attended an awesome church. People's Church that is. ;) 

- toward the end of the service that first Sunday morning I attended church there... the pastor announced that there was still spots available for the Women's Retreat that following weekend in Amarillo... I didn't ask questions, or even think twice at that.... I signed up. It was about time I surrounded myself and my life with good people, good women, & good fellowship. So I signed up... Not knowing if anyone I knew would even be attending this Women's Retreat...and honestly, not really caring if I knew anyone who would be attending this Women's retreat, the Lord told me to GO! & I did just that! I went!

Turns out I knew one person who was going, Adam (a great friend of mine from Dalhart, that I met at church camp in 2007) his sister, Adrianna was going! That made me even more excited for the up coming weekend to arrive! I didn't room with her thou, I roomed with a sweet girl name Hannah Lucero, (chuckling) the Lord is sooo good! Turns out, we are really close in age, we both love to write/blog, we both love music, and we both love photography. Who KNEW!!?? God knew. ;) We stayed up pretty late, we shared lots of stories, and just got to know a little about one another. I had a good time. She blessed me. 

The retreat blessed me... I again, during one of the services cried out for the Lord to change me. Take my life. Mold me. Use me. Break my heart for what breaks yours Lord, Make ME more like YOU oh Lord!

I blog this tonight to let you know that I am no longer a drifter on a dead end road, feeling worthless....I my friends, proclaim that the Lord has changed me, he holds my life in his hands, daily I feel the Lord molding me into the person I am suppose to be...the worldly person I had become is no more. ;) The Lord is making me more like him and I have YET to have known a better feeling than this!

My prayer daily is for the Lord to use me to make a difference in someones life...or even to make a difference in someones day. I pray that I am the change that I want to see in the world. Lord let your light shine throu me and my life. amen.

He is my father and like I mentioned earlier, He reminds me daily that I am his, and that he loves me...even on my weakest days, and that I DO have worth, and that I AM going places in my life, and most importantly...I am forgiven and forever loved. 

He is the HOPE that fills my soul. He is all I'm after.
Who needs a boyfriend when you got Jesus. ;) #WORD!

*******

*******

love always, malorie lucille.

The "Fun" Blog......

Hello!! Tonight I'll start off with...

What's in your bag??

checkbook

wallet

glasses

headphone

cough drops

purell

agenda (black thing)

Lucky You body spray

and of course...

CHAP STICK!

Lame bag I know!! 

If I would have done this yesterday...there would have been one of Bonnie Kaytes shoes, mini pop tarts everywhere, used kleenex, bleehh you get the picture!

*******

moving on to.....

FACT:

I have the coolest 3 year old little girl. 

Ever. 

The End. 

*******

Now for 10 NEW things I love this Monday....

1.) Benadryl. I don't know what I'd do without out it!

2.) I have listened to this song on repeat all day today! 

Love it!

3.) sharing red velvet cake with Bonnie ;)

4.) Dinner with my sweet girl.

We're sick....cough cough. but for real!

5.) Texting someone your feelings while drugged up on some Benadryl..... too funny!

6.) Assisting a tooth extraction. FUN!

7.) This place is the BOMB!

My favorite bagel to get it HONEY WHEAT with HONEY ALMOND spread. ;)

Ommm nom nom nom!

8.) UGGS!!! 

I think Bon and I need matching black ones for fall/winter....yes and yes!

9.) Instagram. LOVE LOVE.

10.) Ahhhh its so addicting!! I lose sleep because of this game!

YES....it's that good!

*******

That's it. That's all!!

Good night!!

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AND BON, THAT ALL THIS ALLERGY STUFF GOES AWAY.......

OK THAT WOULD BE A BIT OF AN OVER KILL....BECAUSE WE LIVE IN WEST TEXAS AND EVERYONE IS SHREDDING AND CUTTING AND YA, IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY, FOR NOW....BUT JUST PRAY I AM ABLE TO GET SOME REST! 

PLEASE AND THANK YOU!! 

LOVE YOU ALL!

*BE BLESSED* BE LOVED*

Listen to--> "Hope Now"( AGAIN ) By Addison Road. 

It's that good!

I'm NEVER alone

Ok y'all here is the game plan. I'm going to try my very hardest to blog ONCE a week, maybe twice... second blog being something like "10 new things I love this Sunday"

I'm going to start off with

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY PRINCESS BONNIE KAYTE THRASHER

WHO turned 3 today!!!

Mommy Loves you sweet girl!!!!

Ok so I wanted to post this blog a lot sooner, but couldn't ever get around to it till now.

I started blogging this blog in my head (make sense?)

on Monday, on my way home from work, ehh but it was Monday (you know how those days go)

and on my way home I listened to a song on repeat that made my emotional Monday bring crazy amounts of tears I didn't even know I still had...you know, being that a couple weeks ago

I threw myself so many PPP's (pitiful pitty parties)!!

Anyways back to Bonnie Kayte...

Wow, I am one blessed momma!

It seems just like yesterday she was turnin 2!

Better yet I still remember being so overwhelmed with planning her 1st Birthday!

I wanted everything to be perfect for my angel bugs party, I was a serious mess!!

Thanks to PARENTS magazine that just so happened to have in BIG BOLD print across the front page,

"DON'T OVER DO YOUR CHILD'S 1ST BIRTHDAY PARTY,

THEY WON'T REMEMBER ANY OF IT"

(Here's your sign)

I did a lot of rethinking and cooled it on all the ridiculous plans I had,

Sooooo instead of a 3 tier cake, I made 2 dozen cupcakes!! haha.

But serious.

back on track.....

I couldn't imagine my life without my sweet little girl! A while back I read from start to finish the monthly blogs I use to do about Bonnie Kayte all the way up until she turned 2, and yes i cried like a baby. The first blog I ever did really got to me, it was the day she turned 1 month old, just reading it, it was like I could close my eyes and remember exactly what I was wearing, exactly what she was wearing, exactly what the house smelled like. Crazzy! Gives me goosebumps!

Bonnie Kayte is just the most amazing gift I have ever been blessed with.

Never a dull moment with her, ever!!

Never a time the words "Mommy I will always love you" get old,

nor do those words ever fail to make my heart smile. Literally.

I do not know what I'd do with out my little sidekick.

||Pause for a second.

I recently started working at a new dental office (yay).

and I work with this lady and she lost her daughter last Christmas Eve.

Her daughter was 9.

For the past 3 weeking I've seen this strong amazing lady have her

good days, her okay days, and her bad days.

She loves to talk about her daughter, she says she talks about her because she never wants to forget her.

Just think about this for a minute...

I can't help but try to imagine myself in her shoes,

I literally feel that you would have to shoot me dead if anything ever happen to Bonnie.

I tend to question myself a lot.

Examples:

HOW does she do it??

HOW does she come to work everyday with a smile on her face,

even on days she misses her sweet baby she lost?

HOW does she smile throu times of telling us stories of her little girl with tears rolling down her cheeks

(as well as ours)??

HOW on earth does she do it??

***

*Hold close to the ones you love*

*Smile more than you grumble*

*Don't ever leave or go to bed angry at someone*

***

> ok now push PLAY

Bonnie Kayte and I have this mommy-daughter thing we do often, and that is,

We pick our "favorite song", sometimes we have the same favorite song for weeks at a time until a new good enough song comes along to take its place.

Her love for music rates about where mine does and she's only 3! I love it!!

Anyhow, once we have our favorite song picked out, I put it on repeat, turn it up really loud, and we sing it at the top of our lungs to wherever our destination might be. Very few things cause for us turn the music down.

& This can be ANY song, country, christian, etc.

However, ever since she turned 2 (last September) our all time mommy-bonnie song had been

"Never Grown Up" by Taylor Swift. (still love that song)

BUT this past Monday, the lady I work with (that I mentioned earlier ) told me to listen to a song. She stated that it's her alarm, she wakes up to it every morning, and she lets it play throu till the very-end, sometimes even twice before she gets out of bed.... and if you know me, you know I'm always up for hearing a new song.

It starts playing and I hear just a few lyrics and then the hair on my arms stood up and it literally gave me chills, maybe it was just the timing and the mood that was set at the time.

(we had just got done talking about her daughter)

"May the angels protect you

Trouble neglect you

and heaven except you when it's time to go home

May you always have plenty

Your glass never empty....."

-Then it hit me!

This is HOW she does it!

This is HOW she is able to come to work everyday with a smile on her face.

This is HOW she is able to smile throu all the hurt,

she is reminded daily, every morning, the love our Lord has for each and every one of us,

not just when we hurt, but throu our "good" days, our "okay" days, and our bad days.

We are never alone.

*It's an over all GREAT song. Lyrics, music, etc. NOT to mention Lady A sings it!*

I immediately buy the on iTunes, and this was Monday mind you, and we had ten minutes before it was time to leave for the day. As soon as I get into my car I plug my phone in and put the song on repeat, listened to it all the way back to Plainview.

Picked Bonnie Kayte up and I was so excited and anxious for her to listen...

So I turned it up and she immediately caught on to the song and its message.

I only say that because she had one arm in the air, her eyes were closed,

saying "thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus",

Call me crazy BUT she seriously has mini worship sessions in my back seat!

(I see it all throu my rear view mirror, I don't even think since the day I had her that my rear view mirror has ever been focused on anything BUT her)

It's great, I love it!!

....so she got the message the song delivers, and I hear (over the music)

"Mommy, I like this song....its your favorite??"

"Yes Bon it is!!"

"this is our favorite song, right mom"

I of course agreed. ;)

I'm sure your thinking..

okay?? what the song she keeps talking about and what message???

I'm not going to say any more than,

this song is a great reminder for all of us, to know know we are NEVER alone,

throu any circumstance in life.

We all just like in any relationship, need little reminders that we are NOT alone.

Or is that just me??

Weather it be a mother-daughter relationship,

best friend relationship,

daddy-daughter relationship,

or most important 

our relationship with the Lord.

Being that we are ONLY human...

we tend to fall into pitty party spells (guilty) and think

"no one is ever here for me, I'm all alone"

WRONG!!!

(crank this song any time you feel your alone, it will help! no doubt!)

I pray that my sweet Bonnie will always know & feel the love I have for her

and without a doubt in her mind know that I will always be by her side!

I will follow her, stay with her,

BUT above all I pray that she knows that Jesus loves her

and his love will follow her,

stay with her, and she will NEVER be alone.

*BE BLESSED* BE LOVED*

I hope this song blesses you as much as it does Bonnie and I.

remember. you're never alone. ;)

I posted the video and the lyrics below the video so that you can click play,
and while the song plays you can read along!

(lyrics)

May the angels protect you

Trouble neglect you

And heaven accept you when its time to go home

May you always have plenty

The glass never empty

Know in your belly

You're never alone

May your tears come from laughing

You find friends worth having

With every year passing

They mean more than gold

May you win but stay humble

Smile more than grumble

And know when you stumble

You're never alone

Chorus:

Never alone

Never alone

I'll be in every beat of your heart

When you face the unknown

Wherever you fly

This isn't goodbye

My love will follow you stay with you

Baby you're never alone

well

I have to be honest

As much as I want it

I'm not gonna promise that the cold winds won't blow

So when hard times have found you

And your fears surround you

Wrap my love around you

You're never alone

Chorus

May the angels protect you

Trouble neglect you

And heaven accept you when its time to go home

And when hard times have found you

And your fears surround you

Wrap my love around you

You're never alone

Chorus

My love will follow you stay with you

Baby you're never alone

Behind The Scenes

Whoa. I haven't blogged in a really long time. 

Since May 5th. Shut up.

I'm terribly sorry.

So to all my new readers. I have always been pretty scatter brained, & when people read my blogs I hope they feel that they are literally listening to me explain what ever it is I am trying to get across, face to face.

Some people may think my blogs are too personal, if that's you (there is a X located in the upper right corner of your screen, click it. okkk byee!) 

I'm a personal blogger, heller it's MY blog. 

I blog just like I talk. ;)

***Moving along.***

OK so I'm just going to completely honest... all last week, I had the suckiest (not a word.) attitude EVER. I guess I was umm "bitter". I just "didn't care", I shrugged things off that I usually wouldn't, In other words, there was a negative funk that had taken over. The devil TOTALLY stole my thunder. Rude.

Anyhow, while throwing this pitiful pitty party for myself, you know the feelings of "nobody loves me, everybody hates me" (ridiculous!) "why is everything so screwed up".... WHICH by the way totally drained me completely & I plan to NEVER let it happen again (right hand raised) so help me God!

.....throu out this time, I never once took a step back from all the chaos and thought about the more important things. The above all, things that really matter, and that my friends is all the blessings behind all the ugly that was going on at the time. 

("in the middle of my little mess. i forget how BIG im blessed"

I know, I know. It seems almost impossible to think at a time of sadness, hurt, heartache, anger etc. we can actually say things like "HAHAHA, this blow out is such a blessing!!" OR "Wow! I lost my job today and have no money BUT this is just the BEST thing that has happen to me all week!!" 

silly right!! Who does that?? (put your hand down!) NOBODY!

HOWEVER, In all reality... we should always look at the good in things 

& not throw PPP's (pitiful pitty partites) 

for ourselves like homegirl did.

I don't really know what good you could look to as far as having a blow out, it was literally just an example BUT it happens, and maybe it happen so you missed the head on collision up the road, you never know...and at a time of losing something (a job, a loved one, a puppy, etc.) we all lack at looking for the blessings to come. 

Example: someone stole your puppy...don't go steal someone else's. Go adopt one. ;)

#Kidding #ButSerious at the same time.

A lot of you don't know ANY of what your about to read

BUT

you are my readers and you know that I share my crazy thoughts, 

my life, and just whatever my little big heart wants you to know on this here blog!

This past May I found out that I was pregnant. In June I had a miscarriage. In July Dustin and I were planning a wedding, late July we decided it wasn't so much a good idea after all. (there were/are certain things that needed to be worked on. So ya that was a no go.) Beginning of August I lost my job. 

I think its SAFE to say... this is why I threw a PPP. just sayin.

I mean here I was excited for this new baby that I'd be bringing into this world and at our 1st appointment...no heart beat! What??!!!! 

"God, Why me??" was the question I asked over and over and over and over.....

Then I was planning for the BIG day. My BIG day. The day I'd share with my best friend, the person that I love so much and can't go a day without reminding him how much he means to me and how I am so lucky to have him in my life. and to top all that good stuff off. I found the MOST beautiful dress. Yup. I sure did. Every girls dream. Yup. and over night.... it was all gone. literally.

"God! Why me??"

Then I lose my job.... at this point I was like OK! You have GOT to be kidding me!!

"God, Whyyyy meee!!!"

The BEST part of all this ugliness in my life was that every time I asked him WHY ME??

I was answered! #Fact.

"Why did I have a miscarriage....?" - I have bigger plans for you and Dustin... Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean NOT on your own understanding"

"Why is this day that I long for just all of a sudden canceled...why?? why me?"- Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to PROSPER you and NOT harm you, plans to GIVE you HOPE and a FUTURE"

"Why did I lose my job"- "Umm because Dr. Brad Brooks needs a dental assistant and he wants YOU!" haha is pretty much what I heard from him. Clearly! I lost my job on a FRIDAY, that following MONDAY I sent out my resume to 3 different places, TUESDAY morning I got a call from Dr. Brad Brooks office asking me to come in to take a personality test/ do a sit down interview, THURSDAY I got a call stating that I start that following MONDAY. GOD is GOOD, all the TIME! and ALL the time, GOD is GOOD!! amen. ;)

All this being said I bet over half of you had NO idea any of this had gone on & that is a good thing. I have always been told that I was "strong" and that I could overcome anything. It's true, but I'm strong just because...I have a higher power that helps me throu and I WILL overcome because I know my God will NEVER leave nor forsake me & for that I am SOOOOO thankful. 

I felt as if I was living in the gawd awful dream that I couldn't wake up from, I couldn't catch a break, it was literally one thing after another, after another BUT no matter how much I tried to cover up my hurt/confusion, no matter how many times I shrugged my shoulders like "i don't care", I couldn't hide it from God. He knew exactly what I was going throu, he heard every time I cried out in anger and not once did he leave my side. He only brought me comfort and peace and understanding. It was the most amazing thing ever. If you are going throu a hard time right now, or just anything at all. God already knows, he just wants you to call out to him. He longs for you to need and want him in your life! ;)

*BE BLESSED. BE LOVED*

Fun Fact about me: 

I can almost NEVER finish blow drying my hair... I can't think of anything more boring!

 -malorie lucille ;)

peace. love. cinnamon rolls!

Totally had the song below on repeat for almost two weeks. Enjoy. ;)

Listen to--> "Strong Enough" by Matthew West

I've got the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy....

down in my HEART!

Where?

DOWN IN MY HEART!

Where?

DOWN IN MY HEART!

*******

ok, besides being overly joyed ;) I totally failed at the whole "30 day blog" thing!! so sorry!

However, I finish my last 4 hours @ my extern site tomorrow, & then I get to "grad out" & order my cap & gown && then I take my RDA test, & then you can add RDA at the end of my name, & then I graduate next Friday, May 13th!! (did you feel the excitement while reading that?)

Oh yes & I am getting hired at the place I completed my 160 hours!

Dr. Lindseys Orthodontics. ;)

Besides attending Boot Camp on Mondays, Tuesday & Thursdays, & watching Teen Mom2 which is no longer showing & is now 16&Pregnant on Tuesdays, & American Idol on Wednesdays & Thursdays..... in the paragraph above, is what my life has consist of. Oh & of Bonnie, & Dustin............and painting.

BUT thats beside the point.........

now, all that to say this.....

I have NOT had a job these past couple months, I have been without my daughter being home for going on 2 months (& that has honest to God been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my entire life, not having my mom in my life for most of my life can’t even compare.).... BUT my life, my entire being, my overall emotional state as a person has been remarkably the BEST it ever has. Obviously NOT because I didn’t have a job, or my daughter hasn’t been home with me BUT because I have such amazing, wonderful people in my life…that on a daily basis, surround my life & help me throu those “I don’t know what I’m going to do” nights/days or the “I miss Bonnie so much” nights that I cry myself to sleep BUT most of all… I have a God who has NEVER left my side, I know that there are people worse off than me….& I catch myself day after day saying “wow, he cares enough about me & my feelings to take time & to deal with what is going on in MY life & he listens” & he has shown himself time after time. I stand in awe, is all I can say.

I mean seriously….I haven’t worked since April, & I can count 3 times that I have gotten unexpected “where did this come from” checks in the mail that have helped me fill my car up, pay bills that need to be paid, eat, etc. ..… do you get my vibe?

God knows what you are going throu & all the wants is for you to call out to him…

The bible says in Luke 11:9, NIV, "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you”

I mean this is just ONE of the MANY things the Lord has opened my eyes to these past months.

& tonight I got to experience an even more surreal blessing. I have this beautiful friend, whose life took a huge…HUGE spin about 6 months ago & left her with confusion, upon about a million other things, thoughts & feelings. I many times had lunch/dinner with her & every time we would meet up, It was almost as if I didn’t even know this girl. It was so weird. & many nights I would pray for my dear friend, for God to just show her his unfailing love, for him to take the things that made no sense at all & seemed so broken at the time & turn them into something beautiful….. I longed for my friend to grasp that we may not understand but God knows. & tonight I had dinner with Ms.Ellen Hart & I am here to say…God has shown her & has helped her & has opened her eyes to “something beautiful”....... LIFE itself.

Her Bitterness… what bitterness?

Feeling Hopeless…not her!

Having Faith.fa sho!

?Confusion?...BYE!

Peace that surpasses all understanding….Why yes, thank you! ;)

These are just a few of the things I got from talking to her tonight that she no longer lacks!

I love to know that my prayers along with many other peoples prayers are answered!! ;)

Yes, things may pop up, & struggles may come up on us BUT he is here & always will be. No doubt!

*******

Life is good!

So needless to say.......

For the people/person who said I would Never amount to anything thing in life-

(shrugs) I'll pray for you.

For any hateful, discouraging words thrown my way-

(double shrugs) I'll pray for you.

For anything done intentionally to hurt me or someone that I love-

I'll pray for you. ;)

When times are bad-pray, When times are good-pray.

Prayer works.

*******

i'm a happy girl, "i'm singing...." ;)

*******

BE BLESSED. BE LOVED.

*******

I HAVE BONNIE KAYTE THIS WEEKEND! YAY!! SO EXCITED!

P.S.

I love all of my girl friends so much!!

If you ever need me, Im here!!

HUGS!

-malorie lucille

I almost forgot to mention, I read this book called "Tradgedy & Trust" amazing book!

Listen to--> "I'm singing" by Kari Jobe
PLEASE WATCH BOTH VIDEOS ;)

Day 28

Day 28- a picture of something you're afraid of.

spiders!!!!

Ohhhhh mmmm gee~! this pic makes me CRINGE!!

*******

BE BLESSED. BE LOVED.

*******

LISTEN TO--> "CRY" REBA

Day 27 ;)

Day 27- picture(s) of yourself and a family member.

Morgan Taylor Baeza

I lava this girl with my whole heart.

love you long time!! 

100 times schfifty-five!!

Schfiigitttyyyyyyyy waaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.....???

(morgan & malorie talk, never you mind)

*******

BE BLESSED. BE LOVED.

*******

p.s. today i have had a really good day. it's retarted. -_-

LOVE YOUUUU!!!

and YOU!

and YOU!!

and youuuuu!

Listen to--> "Somebody's Chelsea" by: Reba