needed.

Saturday morning.

Maddie woke up at 12am to eat, and if this was like any other night/morning (last feeding before I went to sleep), she would finish nursing, we'd snuggle each other, and I wouldn't fully fall

asleep until I heard her little piglet snores.

Not this time. She finished nursing. Her belly was full. then she just began to cry. she cried. and she cried. and she cried. 12:30am-6/6:30am.

I want to say it was her acid reflux, but all week long it was not even spoken of, her hurt was no more, we were all claiming it, and loving sleep. I am almost certain that 

Bonnie would even say "Amen!" to that.

(pause)

Being a mom is hard. It's seriously the hardest, but the most rewarding thing I have ever experienced. EVER.

Late night feedings where you can barely keep your eyes open, and dad is just laying there snoring his head off.

Projectile vomit coming at you, then it's running down your shirt, all over your hand(s), because for some reason you thought you could catch all of it... 

then yelling for Dad's help, but in all reality...there is not one thing that he could have done to help, so now he's just standing there staring at you covered in vomit and you want to kick 

him for even coming when you yelled for him! Like he shouldn't have even came when I yelled for him. (...or is this just me?) (Poor Steven. I'm sorry, I love you.)

or dealing with a bb girl who has acid reflux. This is new to me (Bonnie never had reflux problems. was never sick. hardly ever cried. never on anitbotics. never had an ear infections.etc.) so I am 

learning all about this. Learning what it's like to pat your bb's bottom so hard you feel like you could possibly be hurting her, but if you stop patting, she cries. (I still have yet to understand that.) 

Learning that sometimes evening patting her bottom & rocking her like a mad woman (because this is also soothing), isn't going to sooth her, and you just have to listen to her cry, and hurt, 

and (ugg) it's the WORST thing.

or just getting to sleep, after Maddie having one of her hurting episodes, so it's like 4am, and Bonnie crawls in bed with me, and 30 minutes later is vomitting. in our bed. 

it's in her hair. I've not slept. it's 4:30am. I'm getting her cleaned up. vomit is now on me. so we get in the shower. it's 4:55am. and Dad's just laying there.snoring his head off. 

(Good ole' stomach bug.)

these are just a few of my "being a mom is hard" examples.

Steven is such a great dad, and a huge help. Those examples make it seem like he's just always asleep. 

In which he is, because it's 4am, & THAT'S WHEN NORMAL PEOPLE SLEEP! (ahem. Maddie Lou ;))

(play)

Not sure why Maddie was hurting. Nothing at all was helping, or even came close to soothing her.

So I just held bb. & watched. & listened to my sweet tiny girl cry. It was terrible, and I dread nights like that, because like any momma, I just want to help, and make her better.

So while sitting in bed, holding her, listening to her cry. This thought came to me... I need to be thankful in this moment. I need to be thankful that acid reflux is the biggest problem I am dealing with

as a mommy. There are mom's who are dealing with way bigger problems than I. & instead of wanting to punch Steven for sleeping so peacefully, I should be thankful that I get to stay home with 

my girl(s). & that catching up on sleep once Bonnie is off to school is totally do-able. & that I am going to be just fine. 

I've blogged before about throwing pitful pity parties-PPP's (anyone remember?), and I am not at all saying that we (moms) can't feel a certain way, in moments, about certain things, 

because we can, and we will...even if someone told us not to, we will feel how we want! & that is just fine. I just ask that you, & I...that we take a second in our "dark" moments, 

and think how blessed we really are. & how what we are so upset about in that very moment will be something we can laugh about tomorrow (sometimes, not all the time). 

& that's easier said than done, this I know. But Seriously. Are you alive & well? Are your babies healthy? Are you going to make it? Are you bleeding...no? Then go sit down. (did anyones teacher ever tell you that?) 

Let's love life. Love on our babies. Love "moments" we are in, even when don't want to. Love people, even when we don't to. Be a light to others in their dark moments. 

I kinda derailed there, on where I was kinda wanting to go with this blog. =)

anyhow...

Being a mommy is hard at times, and sometimes we don't understand why things happen, or are happening.

God made you a mommy for a reason, and just like anything else, he will never give you something you can't handle.

And how rewarding is it to know that we are needed. Our babies need us, no matter what age.

Mom's rock. That's all.

Now I leave you with this remarkable birth story by Kelle Hampton. I’ve reread it again and again over the period of time since coming across it, and it still impacts me in a profound way. 

So much honesty. Read with tissues. ( I repeat read with tissues) 

& If you don't have time to read it now, please come to it when you do. 

until next time....

BE BLESSED. BE LOVED.

-m.roberts